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Thread: Fell in love with a dancer now in serious debt

  1. #1
    Join Date
    Nov 2020
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    2

    Default Fell in love with a dancer now in serious debt

    I'm a dude that fell in love with a dancer. I'm an emotionally damaged person(deal with depression and anxiety) and I've blown thousands on this "hobby" for years to escape from my personal issues. I saw my first dancer few years ago. I started seeing a girl last year and over time I fell for her. I spent hours and months seeing her regularly.She helped with my emotional issues and so I kept seeing her. I spent all my savings on her like an idiot. She obviously did not feel the same way. I even thought she genuinely cared about me lol but it was obviously all about money and the moment I ran out of money, she stopped texting me and pretending to care lol. The whole time she pretended to really care about me and told me she doesn't care about money. She would say we're "friends" and that she genuinely cares.That was obviously not true lol. Anyways, I know she's a provider and she is not in the wrong here. She is here to sell a fantasy and I bought into it. I am the idiot here. I'm NOT a stalker nor a creep so I'm NOT going to cause any harm to this girl in any way.I will not EVER disclose her name or anything of that sort. I know that I don't deserve anything other than the time I pay for. I'm just here looking for suggestions on how I can deal with this hurt that I'm going through. Also, I know I'm an idiot for getting into this hobby at such a young age especially since I can't even afford it. I've gone into debt doing this and I'm left feeling hurt and heartbroken. I welcome any advice and criticism. I want you guys to tell me how stupid I am so I never do this again. This hobby has turned into an addiction and I don't wanna do this anymore especially not while I'm young. I'm a university student in a respectable program so I am doing something productive with my life and I have my shit together in other aspects of my life(work, school) so I'm not a complete loser lol. I started dealing with depression and anxiety while I was in school and ever since then, I've used this hobby as a coping mechanism. I am too afraid to date girls in real life even though I'm a good looking and funny guy( as I've been told my many people). Please help me. Please offer some advice. Tell me how stupid I am so my sex addicted brain can stop doing this and go chase after real women.

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Nov 2020
    Posts
    1

    Default

    First off, congrats for accurately recognizing the problem. As i say all the time, this hobby is like WWE pro wrestling - do not ask if it is real, only ask if you were entertained. Understand that. Her job is to provide companionship and she clearly met your physical and emotional "entertainment" needs, but remember, it is an illusion. Like a movie. You did not storm Normandy on Omaha beach with Tom Hanks (i.e., saving private ryan) lol. Similarly, you did not just pick up a hot woman at a bar and bone her.

    This is an addiction, every bit as strong as alcoholism or gambling. You may have to drop it cold turkey.
    You should "coffee date". Meet women just for conversation. Make that the goal. If you're "hoping to score" you'll strike out more often than not, and that will add to your anxiety. Thus if you remove sex/full on relationship as your goal you remove a lot of pressure. Let the lady know you've been shy around women and enjoy meeting and chatting w interesting ladies. Who knows, maybe something will happen. But remove it as your end goal. Often anxiety happens as you become a prisoner and victim of your own standards or beliefs and fears. So change them, build up your interpersonal game without pressuring yourself too much. Good luck!

    P.s. if that can't work please see a health care professional. Bankrupting yourself is definitely a negative outcome.

  3. #3
    Join Date
    Nov 2020
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    2

    Default

    Seeing dancers makes me feel amazing. No other feeling compares in my mind. The main problem is the financial aspect. I don't wanna go bankrupt doing this. I have financial goals and want to save and invest my money. Also, I don't wanna hinder my personal growth and miss out on dating and developing real relationships because of this hobby. But I agree with you about making a ton of cash one day so I can responsibly finance this hobby.

    I definitely have a lot of emotional issues. I have seen a few psychiatrists but never found the right fit so I just gave up. I grew up in an abusive household so I'm a really fucked up person emotionally. But over the years, I've manage to hide it well and you would never be able to guess what I go through if you ever met me. I put up a fake wall of confidence but on the inside I am a fucked up and miserable person. That is why I am here on this forum asking strangers anonymously lol. My debt isn't credit card related or anything high interest. It's mostly loans that I could have paid off but instead blew my hard earned cash on chasing a high like an idiot. I have learned my lesson and I'm at rock bottom right now. Heartbroken, lost cash, and regret. I don't wanna make this mistake ever again.

  4. #4
    Join Date
    Oct 2019
    Posts
    8

    Default

    Has anyone else met a dancer that would pretend to be in a romantic relationship with you for financial gain? I've seen a lot of dancers, but getting intimate with one was definitely not on my agenda. Recently I met a young dancer that I seemed to have a good connection with. I broke my rule, which is not seeing the dancer again if I like her a little too much. I ended up seeing her a few more times in longer sessions. It was all fine until she started texting and calling daily, and acting as if she was my girlfriend. She told me about her financial struggles and assumed that I was financially abundant. We would rarely meet though, and when we did, it was just at her place with cuddles/kisses but no sex as she was never in the mood, nor have I ever pushed for it. She would say that she liked me a lot and wanted a future with me and eventually quit the industry. I unfortunately started to like her and wanted to save her from her hell that she was going through.

    There were tons of red flags, like how she wanted to talk about providing for her financially as I am no longer a client (after she declared herself as my girlfriend), constantly asking to buy things because she can't afford it, and then eventually telling me about how she can't afford rent and needs help. I obviously did not provide any of these as I'm not that stupid, and it may seem extremely obvious that I was being used, but she definitely knew what she was doing and tried her best to make these requests as subtle as possible in between the "GFE".

    It was really painful at the time, heartbreaking to realize what this is after she made you think it was real. I left her and never looked back, but I always wondered why she would go through all this trouble, like she would spend so much time with me, hours on the phone, for what? Potential future money? I made it very clear to her that I'm not a sugar daddy and I've never complained about her working while seeing me either. It just seems like she would make more money if she was using that time working, I just couldn't understand it. I felt so disgusted with this that I couldn't even go to a strip club. That might have just been the last dancer I will ever see!

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