On being an independent escort in Toronto

[Emma]

One of the most recurring and annoying question that I (and most escorts I assume) get asked is "Why don't you get a real job?”.

Often, when asked by clients, it is actually meant as some sort of awkward compliment. After spending a little bit of time with me, the client finds that I am not dumb-as-brick, that I can carry a conversation, that I seem well-adjusted with a pleasant personality, that I am not addicted on some hard shit, basically, that I am a 'normal', good-looking, as-smart-as-the-next-guy woman. And thus the question: "why don't you get a real job?".

Often too, especially when uttered by strangers who don't know me, the question is meant as an insult.

But in both cases, the assumption is that sex work -- especially hooking, usually considered the worst of all sex work -- is an occupation that only women who can't do anything else would engage in. The corollary to that assumption is that anyone can do sex work, that anyone can fuck for pay.

I beg to differ.

While most anyone can indeed manage the basic mechanics of fucking, not anyone can have other people pay to have sex with them, and not anyone can make good money from it.

First, you need the looks. While less important in the escort business than in the stripping or porn business, looks still matter quite a bit. And aside from some niche -- and therefore limited -- markets, your looks need to fit the demands of the market: young-ish (ideally below 30), proportionate body (disproportionate big boobies also good), reasonably toned, stretch mark-, cellulite-, and scars-free skin, long-ish hair (preferred), pleasant facial features. But the good looks that nature gave you is usually not enough, and there's important maintenance work required: from manicures and pedicures, hair maintenance and styling, dieting, working-out, skin maintenance, make-up, shaving/waxing, meticulous hygiene (especially of the pink bits), to teeth whitening, etc. This work cost money, takes time, is often unpleasant, and requires discipline. If you weren't blessed by nature and you aren't able to and/or willing to commit to the body maintenance work required to help nature, you can't do sex work.

But good looks aren't enough.

Are you ready to be alone in a room with a perfect stranger who could most likely harm you if he wanted to? Can you make a stranger feel comfortable and relaxed in your presence? Can you deal with someone who is socially awkward and still create the ambiance for a sexy time? Can you carry on smiling and flirting with someone who treats you like an inferior? Are you willing to bite your tongue when a client says something offensive to you? Do you know how to deal with a pushy drunken/cocked-up stranger without putting yourself at risk? Are you willing to take the risks that even the safest sex practices can't guarantee against? Are you good actress/actor enough to act like you care about a stranger's life when something in your own life is worrying you? Are you comfortable and secure enough about your body and appearance to have people rate you on online public forums? Do you have the mental and emotional strength to not let negative and/or malicious comments on your body, personality, morals, and status as a human being affect you? Are you ready to work long hours, often late during the night? Are you ready to sacrifice social outings with friends and family because they usually take place on days when business is busy? Can you deal with the insecurity of never knowing what kind of money you will be making next week, if at all? Are you ready to have strangers squeezing your boobs in the most unpleasant way and pretend they're exciting you? Do you have enough imagination to help you fake it convincingly when an unattractive man is pounding you senselessly? Do you have the technical skills to give a good blowjob, and the acting skills to do it with alleged enthusiasm? Do you have the talent to make any man feels like the most charming man and best lover in the world? Can you smile, act sexy, cater to someone else's needs, and look like you're having a wonderful time when you're tired, your dog is sick, you just had a fight with your partner, you're sore? Can you make a man spit out an extra 300$ for an additional hour of your presence? Do you have the social skills to read body language, tone, and attitude to guess successfully the expectations and needs of a stranger? Do you know how to courteously send a less-than-fresh-smelling person to take a shower? Can you get naked and have someone eat you out after 5 minutes of meeting them? Are you confident and aggressive enough sexually to lead the ride? Do you possess the arts of moving, talking, drinking, sitting, walking in a sexy, flirty, I-want-to-fuck-you way? Can you put up with countless personal, often intrusive and offensive questions? Can you gracefully deal with the strangest sexual requests you can think of? Do you know how to refuse X sexual practice without offending the person asking or making him feels like a weirdo, even if he is one? Are you ready and able to deal with the bullshit, assumptions, and social stigma associated with sex work? Are you ready and able to deal with the necessary difficulties that being a sex worker create in your personal love life? Can you deal with the added risks of being robbed, beaten up, raped? And with the knowledge that should it happen to you, you will most likely be blamed for it and the law is most likely not going to do anything about it?

Unless you can answer yes to most of the above, you cannot do sex work. And I will bet my fine ass that most if not all people who ask me and other escorts why we don't get a 'real' job don't have what it takes to do the work we do.

[RentGirl]

Please... all that "I'm so special stuff that very few people can do it" is more self flattery. Think of how many cheapo Asian places have a pretty young thing that has lots of repeat customers simply because she's a good faker and the guys think she likes them. She has limited English and I'll bet her customers are as happy with her as your are with you. You want big money and you want it fast, low paying jobs are somehow "beneath you" Stuff like having to miss important functions due to work? So do Walmart employees. They also have to deal with obnoxious people who are rude to them. Do they come to TOsluts talking about how special they are... probably not. You do a hard job..... so do lots of others. Have good social skills.... so do customer service people (mostly anyway) Hate getting groped... so do waitresses, I'll give you they have clothes in the way... but it's NOT part of their job description while it is for yours.
I realize you have a tough job... but YOU chose it and get rewarded handsomely for it! All these comments on how these unworthy men are lucky to sample your charms stuff and how crappy they are while you have all these skills.... well they are are paying you, not the reverse. Get over yourself girl.
Don't worry, not all of us confuse your snarkyness for niceness... your message is getting through loud and clear. Guys eating you out within 5 minutes of meeting them? If they have a 1/2 hour appointment and they have a few things they want to do with you, what do you expect him to do? It's not like you are going to chat first and THEN start the timing of the session after you are comfy with each other right? The clock starts as soon as he walks in the door,no? He's simply working within the time constraints that are in the appointment. These guys are shelling out big bucks and you expect the session to move slowly? System is not designed that way is it? Not his fault.

[Alienencounters]

You have to consider her breadth of experience in the field. Yes all the experience she has, she read from here.

[Tino]

Emma, can you please post your link, I might book your services someday.

[Sultry Sierra]

Get a life, sister. Can you even read, or is that skill not required as a "Customer Service Supervisor" at Wal Mart?

She states that not everyone can do the job...as in YOU!! YOU could never get anyone to pay YOU for sex and even if YOU could and they were as unattractive to YOU as YOU are to the girls, then YOU would not be able to perform and pretend that you are into it.

She is lumping in almost all people in sex trade in with herself...including the Asian escorts that 'love you long time'.

She never made it sound like she is put out by the job. In fact, she has said that she somewhat enjoys it. However, keeping on your Wal Mart reference, the comparison would be closer to if 90% of the customers that came in to see you at work, were lepers, would you want to touch the goods that they had? Probably not.

[Emma]

I never claimed to be special (I am, but that was not the point of my post) nor was my post asking for your pity or empathy over how hard I have it as an escort.

Yes I did choose this job (although many women working in the sex industry are not in that position of privilege), and yes I make good money out of it. Not complaining.

The point of my post was to explain that contrary to popular belief, NOT anyone can do this job AND be successful (ie make good money) at it. And that contrary to popular belief, being an escort and being good at it (so that you can make good money from it) requires more than spreading your legs.

To those asking me about my rates/availability: I've already answered those questions in my other post, I'm not here to solicit business. But thank you for your interest anyways.

[VinVin]

I have a silly question for you ladies as I am new to all of this...

Regarding Emma's quote

Originally Posted by Emma

Do you have enough imagination to help you fake it convincingly when an unattractive man is pounding you senselessly?

I understand at times you must deal with clients that are not necessarily the most attractive individuals therefore a lot of effort is put in to actually try and enjoy yourself somewhat. Now what if the gentleman is Good looking? Good Body? Young? Whichever the case may be, do you enjoy it then? The reason I ask is I am fairly young (23) and always wanted to experience new things, but if I am going to call one of these ladies the thought of them actually enjoying themselves is important to me. If most of them fake it then... I don't know maybe I am looking for the wrong type of experience...